Author's Note: I wrote this poem because I felt I needed to work on my poetry skills. In addition, I've been thinking about my great-grandmother and other relatives who passed away around this time of year, and they really enjoyed staying at the lake my grandparents live on, so this is looking in retrospect at the memories shared there.
The tranquil silence, peaceful reminiscence, memories of old
Those who ate the fruit, who left unnoticed, friends passed for the flag
Rosemary scents, wafting through the breeze, and I float back years
To youthful joy, with those loved, lost
Surreal is the comfort, of those desired friends
Brought together in my old weathered conscious
To play a role once again on the stage
They flawlessly transfer to death
Played before my tormented eyes
Thrust into isolation
Barred, kept, from merriment
As I remember them
Carelessly happy,
As I lay here,
In silence,
Near the
Lake
I like the syntax that you used in this and the creativity of getting smaller and smaller. Your vocabulary was strong and I liked how you used some symbolism. Well, I am trying to think of some constructive criticism and I really can't so I guess that is a good thing. Nice job, Bradford.
ReplyDeleteI liked the format you put this poem in. Like Ryan said, your vocabulary was really good, and helped me visualize the scene. I think the subject of this is very sweet, too. This was a great poem!
ReplyDeleteI really liked the way the lines of the poem kept getting smaller and smaller. Also, the vocabulary was very good, and you did a nice job of helping the reader see the scene. I can't really think of anything you should change, but I'm sorry about your great-grandmother!
ReplyDeletethanks for the feedback did anyone notice my use of symbolism, I felt like I forced it into the poem
ReplyDeleteI really like how the lines kept getting shorter and shorter. Your vocab really helped the poem. Good job!
ReplyDeleteI did notice some of you symbols, but I don't think it seemed like it was forced, I actually thought you did really good adding the symbolism and making it flow with the poem. I also really liked your spacing.
ReplyDeleteThe format was very unique and I think it added to the poem. I felt that overall the poem felt really forced. Just let yourself relax and write whatever pops into you head.
ReplyDeleteBradley, you did a really good job incorporating good vocab (lots of big words) and symbolism. I didn't feel like this was forced though, it flowed well in the poem and it was actually understandable.
ReplyDeleteNice job! this poem is really good! As Natalie said I realized the symbols but I didn't think it was forced! The vocab was amazing and the spacing was unique nice job!
ReplyDeleteGreat poem!I really like this poem and i like how the lines get smaller. I don't know if you did this for effect but towards the end, I found I was reading faster and faster. Your vocabulary is strong and I don't think the symbols were forced. Great job Brad.
ReplyDeleteGood job with your poem Brad. I enjoyed the decreasing syllable usage for each line, because it made the poem feel authentic.
ReplyDelete