Author's Note: This is an impression of William Wordsworth's poem I Wandered Lonely as a Cloud. Wordsworth ryhmed every other line with eight syllables per line. He also liked to change syntax in a sentence, so that's why some of the syntax in my poem is weird.
I Wandered Lonely as a Cloud
WANDERED lonely as a cloud
That floats on high o'er vales and hills,
When all at once I saw a crowd,
A host, of golden daffodils;
Beside the lake, beneath the trees,
Fluttering and dancing in the breeze.
Continuous as the stars that shine
And twinkle on the milky way,
They stretched in never-ending line
Along the margin of the bay:
Ten thousand saw I at a glance,
Tossing their heads in sprightly dance.
The waves beside them danced; but they
Out-did the sparkling waves in glee
A poet could not but be gay,
In such a jocund company
I gazed -- and gazed -- but little thought
What wealth the show to me had brought:
For oft, when on my couch I lie
In vacant or in pensive mood,
They flash upon that inward eye
Which is the bliss of solitude;
And then my heart with pleasure fills,
And dances with the daffodils.
--
A Mistreated Friend
He gazed on like an old statue,
Which sits so lonely in a park,
He hated the crowd, his mood, blue,
The crowd his foe, his future dark;
Watching in the corner, with hate
Sputtering, muttering, as of late.
Everlasting are the bonds made,
Which pray last on forevermore,
Though tested and upset, they stayed,
They don't split and weather the storm,
Millions destroyed, don't weather, don't last,
But he did not dwell in the past.
The roses floated by; but they
Never caught his hand, life was gray
Not close to his friends did he stay,
With him how long could one by gay?
Other days he had a better mood,
But didn't change his attitude.
Although poke fun at you we do,
We seem fixed on mistreatment ,
Life wouldn't be the same sans you,
Though we treat you like excrement
Don't ever live in the past tense; for
We desire, need your presence .
The poem has an awkward, forced feeling, until the end, when you resort to one of your strengths which is your humor. The beginning just reads as labored, and then the final stanza made me laugh. I guess I just with the whole poem reflected more of you like the end does. Wordsworth is easy to make fun of with his sing-song nature, and rather ... gay language. You should have took off with that and done more of a satire; that's up your alley anyway.
ReplyDeleteThe ending was very good and like Mr J said you should have tried to make it humorous throughout the entire thing. Great emulation!
ReplyDeleteI really have nothing to say here, because Mr. Johnson and Derek totally explained exactly what I was going to say about this poem. Not so much about the forced part, but you could tell that the ending was a lot different than the poem in general. But you did an absolutely greattttt job:)
ReplyDeleteI agree with Mr. Johnson. The last stanza made me laugh too! If you could have maybe done the whole poem playing to your humor maybe we could have all gotten a little more of that "Brad" feeling... whatever that is. Having said that though, the beginning is well written but it does feel forced. Sometimes instead of worrying about fitting the form, we just need to write what feels right to us.
ReplyDeleteIt was good, but just as Mr. Johnson said, the first stanzas seemed forced, and I haven't ever heard of A Mistreated Fried. Just saying.
ReplyDeleteI also agree with Derek and Mr. Johnson. You have such a humor Brad, and the ending really brought that out; it also made me laugh! As Alyssa said, sometimes we just need to let the writing come to you and go from there, instead of making it come to you.
ReplyDeleteBrad, you did a good job on emulating Wordsworth. I agree with everyone else, how you should have included your humor into the entire poem. Besides that though, I thought your poem was very good.
ReplyDeleteGood job Brad. I think maybe the first stanzas seem forced because this might not be what you usually do, but it was still very good. The last stanza made me laugh and adds a lot of personality and voice. Good job.
ReplyDeleteI don't really want to repeat what everyone said but I really thought the last stanza was funny. I really liked this poem but I would suggest to add more humor because the last stanza really reflected you as a writer more than the other stanzas.
ReplyDeleteThis was a good poem Brad. The emulation was well done, and you also had nice vocabulary. Not to repeat what the others said, but the last stanza is more "Brad Style." I think that it's important to still maintain our own style of writing too, even though we are supposed to imitate someone else.
ReplyDeleteThat was a really cool poem. You had a really good word choice making it more interesting than had you not done that.
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ReplyDeleteI think everybody has already summed it up for me. Humor is right where you should go with this piece and it's also your strong-suit. I think that if you would have made a satire out of this, it would have been funny and made it better. Overall, I really like your poem.
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