This is from observing different personalities in school, and observing the outspoken students, and those who are less observed. The parallel situation is in the adult world at an insurance firm.
Closing my eyes felt like an escape, a reprieve to some cosmic joyful world, but my attempts were futile, his cold voice, a needle, penetrated my skin. John Bartelt is unforgiving, his intellectual, manicured voice makes the blood run cold. He's not the only one who makes me fastidious. It was Them. Aloof and unapproachable, they make me want to hide in my chair. I desire to come to work with an immaculate sense of what to say and what to where, but I am not blessed with the necessary social skills it takes to find a companion. I shivered as I walked past Her desk. Jennifer Jalos spent her college days as a varsity cheerleader, she was also distinguished as prom queen. Now, I get along fine with the men of the workplace as we all share similar hobbies etc, but I happen to be the only one who fears Them. My friend Cooper Gomez was the socialite of the office, he talked to everyone. I mean everyone, Them, the guys, he even got along with Bartelt.
As I strode away from villainous cave in which resides Bartelt, I felt a pair of eyes follow my path, 'twas Large Marge the only woman who had taking a liking for me. Her eyes followed me over the top of her newspaper, and rightfully so as I had rejected a offer to go out on a date. Ever since had been the receptor of indignant text messages and heated letters. With downcast eyes I bumped into Chuck Henhamper, who incidentally was a towering six five, yet he spent his spare
time writing comic books that he sold online. He was the only one I felt shared my problems, my insecurities, yet I could not associate with him for I would lose my standings in the office, such were the subtle rules of social life of any age which is what bothers me, the way society dictates who one shall mingle with and who one shall not. It proves to me how fragile life is, and I wonder, is this the "American Dream?"
I could clearly see the satire between your dialy life and his daily life. I thought it was good, but you might want to expand it even a little more.
ReplyDeleteYes I was short on time, and who said that was my life?
ReplyDeleteI totally understand what you are saying about how if this is the "american dream". Also I clearly saw the satire in this piece, but I agree with Matt on how if you could expand this it would make the piece even better.
ReplyDeleteI also agree with Matt, you definetly could expand on this. Great use of vocabulary though and I really liked this piece because it does represent society perfectly in the fact that our social status' (<spelling?) affect our lifestyle all too much. Good job on this piece.
ReplyDeleteExpand! Haha I could so see how this is you. The only thing is that you didn't explain who them is.
ReplyDeleteI said it already, this is not me!!!! I also will expand
ReplyDeletehaha i would say the same thing as the rest but youve probably figured it out already. I think this is quirky and a good read, which is exactly what satire is suppposed to be, so godo job
ReplyDeleteI really like this piece. And yeah, you should definitely expand this piece. Ha sorry I had to, but seriously it was good.
ReplyDeleteI like this story it was very good! Your vocabulary was excellent and you should try to expand I think. Good JOb!!!!!
ReplyDelete---Katelyn
I liked it. It was very well written, but I had to reread so parts, so beware and make sure it makes sense. It was nice how you can realize your 'issues,' and then write about them.
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ReplyDeleteI thought that i could see symbolism and thought that it was very well written. I think that you should expand this.
ReplyDeleteThis piece was very well written and should be expanded, I could really see the relationship between the average mans life and the thoughts he has had.
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